As we said goodbye to my Aunt Margie today, I said a few words. I hadn’t seen here in far too long, and I have a million good reasons for it, but no good excuses and I think that that will stick with me for a while. Maybe that’s the real reason why I wanted to speak today, some sort of redemption. When her partner, Fritz passed in late 2018, she visited me in a dream and told me to “not wait another day” and while I have nothing but my own interpretation of what she meant by that, I have to assume that in this instance, I didn’t listen to her. I assumed there was always going to be another day, and then there suddenly wasn’t. Lesson learned, I guess.
I thought I would post here what I said there, as our family is small and scattered, the service was small, and I use this forum as a place to house memories, moments, personal history and life lessons. Things like this seem to check every box. So, without further ado, my eulogy for Margaret:
“I wanted to speak today for a few reasons….
- The pastor mispronounced my grandmothers name at her funeral last summer and I’ve been annoyed about it since. He didn’t know her, and the words felt wrong. Today’s pastor knew Margie and has done a lovely job, but I needed to be sure I wouldn’t feel there were words left unsaid, and the only way to be sure of that is to say them myself.
- Our family isn’t known for our emotional expression, especially Margaret. But, in the 11th hour, I think she would appreciate hearing it, and I do believe she is listening.
So, according to a study published by the Neuroscience and biobehavioral reviews in 2017, dogs are able to decern who is a good person from who is a bad person. The running joke in our family is that in our next life, we wanted to come back as one of Margie’s Dogs. Her favorite people had four legs- she loved them and they loved her; her calm presence, her attentive nature and ultimately, her “goodness”.
If I had to sum up my aunt in one word I would have to choose “good”. There are of course lots of words to describe her: patient, quiet, humble, stoic, kind – just to name a few, but at the core of everything she did was pure thoughtfulness.
She saved every egg carton to give to a local egg farmer – she had quite a few saved from what I understand, and there was always a container of soda can pop tops on her counter which she collected for a humane society fundraiser for probably all 40 years that I knew her. For Christmas, she would ask for donations to her favorite charities and when building her lake home in 2002, while designing the bathroom, she did it with children in mind that wouldn’t even exist for another ten years.
She didn’t express her love for others with words or physical contact. – I hugged her once in my entire life – it was after Fritz’s funeral, and I had to pre-warn her I was going to do it to get consent…It was awkward. But she didn’t need words, or hugs apparently, to express her love for others. She lived it. She lived a life where she put “goodness” above everything else, and not only operated with kindness, but also lived with integrity and to do for others, 2 legs or 4.
She lived with simple, understated intension, woven into the small details of her daily life- be it baking her butter horn rolls for every family gathering or helping her students; she performed with patience and gratitude for each day and gave back to the world in a million small acts every day.
My sister and I,…we had the extreme pleasure of visiting her lake house during the summers and for 35 years she let us take over her home to play and swim while she baked us pie and did the dishes. She probably never realized that those weeks at the cottage are some of our most cherished childhood memories and being at her lake is still our favorite place in the entire world to be. She never asked for anything in return. Not even when offered. Not even when she needed it.
Her dogs were among the luckiest. One was even aptly named “Lucky”, as she and Fritz picked her at the shelter because her number was up that day and they saved her from being put down just in time, and if you stop by the lake home, there is a dog bed, or 3, in every room of the house, treats in multiple cabinets, a yard built right off the deck just for them and an outdoor shower was installed with the intension if it being a good “dog-washing station”. She never even owned more than 2 small dogs at a time.
She lived with love. She lived with intension. From every student she helped, to her dedication to her church, to every pop top, egg carton, pie baked and dog bed purchased, she lived to serve and love those around her and expressed gratitude for the life she felt privileged to live, in the most humble way she knew- by giving back – simply, purely, consistently.
The dogs were right – she was one of the good ones, and she will be forever loved and so greatly missed.”
Enjoy Life; Eat Candy 